The Seventy Year Old Lady Who Loves Her Some LSD

"Humor is the shock absorber of life: it helps us take the blows."- Peggy Noonan

Our patient was in her seventies. She lived in a one-room apartment filled with nothing but dust and old newspapers and crushed cigarette boxes. A few cans of half eaten tuna fish sat on the chipped orange counters. The walls were vintage hunting cabin (you know-fake, dark, drab, paneling). I about gagged from the aroma of fish, urine, and stale smoke. The patient’s daughter had called, concerned because her mother was ‘too thin’ and didn’t seem to be ‘in the right frame of mind' lately.
   
We took her vitals. Her blood pressure was low. Her heart beat rapid. She wheezed when she spoke. She did not want to leave her swanky home to go to the hospital. She did not want to be poked and prodded and besides, you couldn’t smoke in the hospital.
   
But she liked Jamie, who was the medic in charge.
He was tall, lean, blonde hair, blue eyes.
   
“Will you sit with me in the ambulance?” she batted sparse eyelashes.
   
 “Sure.”
 
“I’d like to park my slippers under your bed,” she smacked her cracked lips together.        

Jamie’s face turned red as the rest of us laughed.

 In the back of the ambulance she turned to me.
 
“Have you ever had LSD?”
 
I dropped the IV bag I was spiking and glanced over at Jamie- his eyes bugged out like a cartoon character hit over the head with a fry pan.
 
“L…S…D?” I practically screamed the letters to make sure she heard correctly, and that I had heard correctly.

“Honey, I’m not deaf. Yes, LSD.”

 “No. I have never had LSD,” I recovered the IV solution.
 
 She clacked her tongue and shook her head, “Every girl should have LSD.”
 
Jamie leaned toward her and took her long splintered fingers and held them.
 
“Have you had LSD?” he asked.
 
 “Oh, my, not for at least 20 years.”
   
Jamie looked at me and I shrugged. Nothing surprised me anymore.
   
“You do know what LSD is, don’t you?” his words were kind, not sarcastic.
   
“Of course!” she rolled her eyes. “L…S…D," she waited a beat then continued, "Long Slim Dick.”
     
I found I could still be surprised after all.
     
Jamie and I laughed so hard, tears spilled down our cheeks.
     
There was nothing wrong with her frame of mind!

Excerpt from Girl Medic - Confession of Chaos and Calamity Behind The Lights and Sirens. 
Available at BN.com and Amazon.com
 

The Happy Mixer - (Because Sugar is Quicker Than Liquor)

Happy Mixer Peanut Butter Delight

As fabulous as Wegman’s bakery is (the cutest decorated cupcakes & sugar cookies you’ve ever seen at the Montgomeryville Store!) – they do not make gluten free cakes.

However. There is a relatively new bakery in Chalfont that does. It's called the Happy Mixer.   I'm in loveee and I don't care who knows it (movie quote)! 

I don’t need to eat Gluten free. But I’m always up for sweets. So yesterday, I popped in (because it’s right next to the Wine and Spirit’s Store, HELLO!!)

It’s a very small bakery. But good things come in small packages (seriously, don’t believe the hype about the bigger the better!). I tried the peanut butter delight. OMG. It tastes just like a Tastykake Candycake. It was sooo good, I told the cashier in the wine store about it (he knew and agreed).

I also tried the crème filled cake donut. OMG. It tasted just like a powered donut with rich cream filling. So good! The kiffles (strawberry, raspberry, apricot) were just ok for me. I do like the kiffles at Wegman’s a bit better.

Now, remember, I am not ‘gluten’ free – but for me, the doughnut and peanut butter delights were superior or just as good as ANY I’ve had.

I’m excited to go back and try everything else!

Don’t let the “Gluten Free” stop you from considering a visit to this “sweet” bakery!

Love it!!! 

ps- I have no idea if sugar is quicker than liquor. It rhymed and we all know I love a good rhyme. Because I'm super fine. 

The Happy Mixer - Gluten Free Bakery

New Britain Village Square

4275 County Line Road, Chalfont, Pa 18914

phone 267-663-7209

Cutter's Mill Sold To Concord

I loved Cutter’s Mill.

I say “loved” because Cutter’s Mill has been sold to Concord.

The odd thing is, I didn’t know this until about a week ago when I popped in and the store was re-arranged (so frustrating. Seriously. Wegman’s seems to have a really hard time keeping things in the same spot and I find this so annoying). There seemed to be this odd vibe (seriously, not making that up!) and I realized I hadn’t seen any “coupons” in my email for quite some time. Also, the area usually filled with inexpensive chews was empty. The empty bins did have price tags, however, and they were far more expensive.

When I went to checkout, I wasn’t asked if I had a Cutter’s Mill card. I mentioned that I hadn’t been receiving coupons and that’s when I was informed Cutter’s Mill had been sold to a company called “Concord.”

I was kinda devastated.  

The coupons have disappeared with promises that “our prices will be lower.”

I haven’t seen the lower prices yet, though the Chalfont employees tell me it’s because their computers are the last to be “upgraded” and we will ‘soon see lower prices.’

The last time we were there, we weren’t asked to “round up” and donate the extra to the SPCA. I generally HATE being asked for donations (I can’t seem to shop anywhere w/o being asked to round up or donate a dollar to help someone, something… (ever notice that the CEO’s of these non-profits make like, almost half a million dollars?) – HOWEVER- I never ever mind being asked to donate and always round up for the SPCA. What can I say – I love animals – generally, they have no ulterior motives. They want to be fed and loved – I’m down with that!

I’ve noticed my favorite employees have been MIA but don’t know if it’s just bad timing (when I shop they are off) or if they’ve been let go or perhaps moved on to different (hopefully better) options.

But, it’s really not even about the prices or the layout. It’s about the general spirit of the store. It doesn’t seem to be as welcoming, as friendly. Cutter’s Mill wasn’t just a store, it was a shopping experience. Concord just feels like a plain ol’ store.

Oh, AND Cutter’s Mill had a fabulous return policy. Now, with Concord, you can only return for a store credit.

I am so bummed. I’m going to give it another month or so, but judging from all the complaints on the facebook page, it seems like Concord says “We want to listen to customers and keep all the things they loved about Cutter’s Mill” but what they say and what they do don’t jive.

A very sad goodbye and thank you to Cutter’s Mill. You are missed.

This is video from a few years ago at Cutter's Mill when we surprised Katie with a new puppy. We had dropped off the puppy and Rich had made a tag that read "this dog belongs to Katie." When we dropped in to go shopping, we were admiring the cute puppy and Rich asked Katie to hold him. Then Katie read the puppy's tag. She later said she couldn't believe this adorable puppy was actually part of our family (however, she quickly changed his name from Bob to Jack!).